CHOPPING MALL

1986 was a great year for cheesy horror films. The “slasher” craze was at the top of its game and new horror movies were being cranked out almost weekly - either as “straight-to-video” releases or to cinemas in a very select amount of theaters. Many of these films got lost in the endless parade of new titles and often served no other purpose than to help fill up shelves at the local mom & pop video store. Some were bad, some were good, but all managed to find some type of an audience. To me, one gem stood out in particular and, while overlooked and forgotten about for many years, is now poised to find a new audience thanks to its recent debut on DVD which can finally replace the long out-of-print VHS copies that are scarcely available....

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INSIDIOUS

Over the years, I’ve seen literally hundreds of “haunted house”-themed horror films. Many were lackluster (Paranormal Activity), many were decent (The Amityville Horror), and many were actually quite good (Burnt Offerings). Regardless of how good and/or original they were, they always managed to pale in comparison to the seminal ghost film, Poltergeist – that is until I saw Insidious. This tense, believable and well-researched horror film may have de-throned the Steven Spielberg-produced/Tobe Hooper-directed fright flick as the “greatest haunted house film”. A very impressive feat considering that its creators James Wan & Leigh Whannell (the talented creators of Saw and the criminally overlooked Dead Silence) managed to outdo one of the...

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TRANCERS

Aside from Full Moon’s most successful and popular catalog title, Puppet Master, the low-budget film production company has another secret weapon in the slightly lesser-known (and better) franchise – Trancers. The plot is highly original: a crass, chain-smoking cop from the future travels back to the year 1985 (not-so-ironically, the year the film was made) in order to apprehend a criminal that is using psychic powers to transform ordinary citizens into zombie-like monsters in order to carry out his devious plans. Unlike the Puppet Master franchise which varies sharply from film to film, the Trancers movies have been Full Moon’s most consistent deliverer in terms of quality. A majority of the cast remains the same throughout the series’ run...

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SORORITY ROW

Despite what many people believe, the art of the remake should be considered just that – an “art. What may seem like a quick “cash grab” to make a few bucks at the cinema is actually no easy task. A properly remade horror movie should do three main things: 1) Expand or improve on the original, 2) add a few new twists and surprises along the way, 3) maintain the integrity of the original film’s vision. Sadly, more often than not, these films fall flat in their attempt. For every excellent remake (like Prom Night, Halloween, or Texas Chainsaw Massacre), there are many substandard efforts (When A Stranger Calls). Such is the case with Sorority Row, a mediocre dumbed-down redo of 1983’s vastly superior The House on Sorority Row. This 2009 retelling...

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VALENTINE

Sometimes it’s bad timing. Sometimes it’s bad marketing. Sometimes it’s bad press. Whatever the reason, this criminally underrated horror gem from 2001 is nearly perfect in all aspects of its execution. Valentine is a wonderful throwback to the glory days of “slasher films” – the early 1980s. This movie tells the story of Jeremy Melton, a nerdy reject in school who, after years of being mercilessly bullied and mocked, grows up to take revenge on his childhood peers – or does he? This simple plot sets the stage for an unexpectedly enjoyable series of ‘stalk and slash’ scenarios, along with a great cast (especially for a horror film), some wonderful set designs, a great killer, and a well-written script with a great ending. Enough said. While...

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FROZEN

Over-hype is never a good thing. People’s expectations are unrealistically heightened due to stellar reviews and positive word-of-mouth and, often times, come away feeling disappointed and cheated. Nothing quite embodies the term “over-hype” better than Adam Green’s Frozen, a painfully dull horror film that quite possibly may be the worst film I’ve seen in a decade (admittedly, I watch some real “gems”, so THAT’S saying something…)! I’m not kidding… A trio of close friends sweet talk their way onto a ski lift, only to be accidentally stranded mid-air for days while the resort is closed – and a pack of vicious, hungry wolves circles below. Think Open Water in the air and you’ve got Frozen. The story premise sounds engaging but, unfortunately,...

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